Hello Gies Family!
Last night Jeremy was really interested in hearing “my story” as to what God has done in me in the last week. He really brought me back to life and it’s the best thing ever. But unfortunately we haven’t had a time for me to sit down and ramble out everything that happened, so Jeremy asked me to email it to him. Just a warning, this will probably be a really long email. So get comfy!
Honestly, my whole life kinda came together last week and made sense. But I won’t go through a chronological explanation of my life, that would be unnecessary and probably quite boring to those of you who aren’t me. ;) (by the way, I feel I should mention now that as I’m typing this out I’m imaging Mr. Gies printing this out and reading it to the family around the dinner table or something. That’s probably completely absurd, but hey! What thoughts of mine aren’t?)
So here we go! I’ll start about two weeks ago. Basically I had gotten to a place where I knew God was calling me out. He was telling me that I had to let go of a bunch of things that I was holding on to and trying to control on my own. I guess you can say it started with my John 5 revelation. You all probably remember, when I read the story of the man by the pool that Jesus asked “Do you want to be well?” and then the man was like “blah blah blah, i’ve been here 37 yearsss… no one helps meee… ughhhh” and Jesus simply stated, “Get up and walk!” and the man was healed instantly! I knew God had something for me there. He was telling me to GET UP AND WALK! And that was just the beginning.
As you have probably figured out, Kristen —— and I are really good friends. And when she got home from college not too long ago, we got together to have a catch up on life session. We soon realized that both of us had gone through the same exact lesson while she was away at college. And that lesson would be learning more about the Holy Spirit and spiritual gifts. For me the main issue was with tongues. Kristen’s was a little different and more broad, but that’s where I was. And honestly, during that month or so when I was really confronted with it, I became really confused and really afraid. I somewhat just shut down. I didn’t trust anyone’s opinion, I felt I couldn’t really figure out what the Bible was saying. And I just gave up, somewhat. I didn’t know what to do. So when Kristen and I discovered that, we dug into our Bibles. We literally spent 4 hours just researching our Bibles, looking at the original Greek, determining all the different philosophies we’d heard; we wanted truth. We didn’t want what someone had told us, we didn’t want something we found on the internet. We wanted to know what Jesus said in the Bible. And that’s what we dug for. And of course, we found it. We came to conclusions that pushed my fear aside. I wasn’t as confused anymore and it was beautiful. Obviously I don’t claim to know everything, but I’d love to sit down with you all and discuss what we found and what I believe. But anyway, that was just the beginning. (Oh, and take note of the verse John 14:18)
Now we’re back to the point where God was calling me out. I was in a disgusting place, haha. Or at least that’s how I felt. I was discouraged and knew I needed to let go of things, but those things were pretty dear to me and letting go was a challenge. Then I went to a service at Redeemer that Wednesday night. Every word that was said at that service was for me. Jesus had literally brought me there. And I knew what I needed to do. I left feeling somewhat excited, but by the time I got home it was just as hard as it had been before I left. I went into my backyard and I was like, “Jesus, I hurt. I hurt a lot right now and I need You to hold up Your promise that You’re going to help me. Because, really. I cannot do this.” I was up really late that night just seeking God and talking to some friends. Trying to figure out where I needed to be. (note the verses Hosea 6:1-3)The next day, Thursday, I called Kristen the moment I woke up and asked her to come over. She did and I told her everything I was going through and the hurt I was feeling in my heart. She was so encouraging and really talked me through some practical things that we needed to do and also just reminded me that God is good and we were going to get through this. That night, God really hit my heart and I literally wept in my room for like 2 hours. I have never cried so hard in my life. Someone mentioned to me sometimes the Spirit takes over when you cry, or something, and I think that may have happened. Because I literally almost passed out multiple times. God was doing a work of healing on my heart and never have I cried so hard. (And trust me, I’ve had my fair share of cry fests.)The rest of the weekend I was literally just drained. Friday night I went to youth group expecting Jesus to stitch me back up, but instead I found He used me to minister to other people, and seemed to be just out of reach for myself. I spent the night at Kristen’s after youth group and just told her that I wasn’t okay yet. He hadn’t come for me and I wasn’t sure that He was going to. She referred me back to the Hosea verses that I had found and told me to just rest. I was literally emotionally drained and staying up late another night wouldn’t have helped anything. haha.Okay! So Saturday brought ReignFest. It was a beautiful thing. I met God in worship and I knew that He still had good plans for me. That’s really the best way I can put it. I made a step towards Him. I don’t know if I thought that was the “end”, but if I did, I was wrong.
Fast forward a few days to Tuesday. This was the Tuesday I didn’t go to worship practice. I was discouraged again. I spent the whole evening/night just feeling bumish and knowing, yet again, that I was missing something. OH! I missed a very important note. The walking on water (sorry this is getting so long. I warned you, Jeremy!)Over this long process I had been writing to Jesus and such and He kept bringing up the idea that I was going to walk on water. Several weeks ago after youth group while Molly and I were bringing Josh and Devin home I mentioned, jokingly, that I wanted to walk on water. I honestly don’t even know where that came from, it was one of those Hannah-didn’t-think-before-she-spoke-and-she-heard-what-she-said-for-the-first-time-with-everyone-else-moments. It was kind of just a joke in the car, but God meant it for more. He kept bringing it up during this time and I eventually went to the story of Peter walking on the water in my Bible. Come to find out, I had CIRCLED the entire story when I was young and immature and thought you were supposed to just underline and circle stuff in your Bible. Guys, I HAD CIRCLED IT! Is that Jesus or what? So I read the story (Matthew 14:22-33) over and over. It would probably be super helpful if you read those verses real quick right now too. I’ll wait. :)
Okay! So here it is Tuesday and I’m like “okay, God.. what’s going on here? I still feel awful. I don’t have joy. I don’t even know what’s going on.” So I went out into my back yard and was just talking to God a little bit. And then I realized what was holding me back. You see, the thing was I knew I needed to get up and walk, to get up and get out of the boat, but something was holding me in. And Tuesday night I realized what it was. I was afraid. I was terrified. I know it’s ridiculous that God’s Lioness’ biggest struggle is fear, but that’s where I’m at. I didn’t trust that God was going to do the best with my life. I couldn’t see how He was going to provide me with good after I let go of these things that seemed fine from a human’s perspective. I was scared. Practically petrified.
I texted Kristen and told her how I had discovered my issue. And she threw encouragement and truth at me. But it came down to this. I was sitting outside with God and I knew what had to happen, but I was scared. He was telling me to jump and I wasn’t buying it. So I stood up. And I called God out. No jokes, I went on for like, probably 10 minutes, telling Him all the things He’d better do once I jumped. I stood on a bench we have outside, and I was like “God, you’d better do everything You promised. Sure, I’ll jump. and we can “WALK ON WATER” but You better catch me when I fall. And You better hold my heart. And You better do all of these things that you claim, because I can’t do this on my own…” there was plenty more but I don’t even remember it. I poured my heart out and I called Him out. And then. I jumped. Literally. I jumped off of my little bench thing. And then I looked around. And then I went inside the house. hahaha.
But that’s when it started. Wow. I haven’t even gotten to the good part. I’m sorry I’m such a long writer. Anyway! The next day was Wednesday, and I woke up with this feeling of freedom that I had been missing. I knew God was going to provide. I knew that I was letting go, and I was getting out of the boat. (My heart is starting to beat faster as I type the exciting part!) That whole day God provided for me. Kristen came over and we made tshirts. Okay, I’m awful at crafts. I asked Jesus to help us make those tshirts, and HE DID. haha. It seems so small but it was such a big deal at the time. He helped me, and the shirts came out great. We even wrote on the back “I will boast in my weaknesses” because we could take no credit for them at all, it was all Jesus. Then that night Kristen, Molly and I went to Redeemer for a special healing service that they were having. I was so pumped. I KNEW Jesus was going to do big things, and I couldn’t even handle myself. On the way there we were listening to the radio, and this song came on that neither Kristen or I had ever heard, and we’d never heard of the artist either. But it was literally everything that had been happening in my life up to that point, the chorus was “If You say wait, we will wait. If you say go, we will go. If you say step out on the water, and they say it can’t be done, we will fix our eyes on YOU and we will COME.”hahahaha, we laughed! It was SO my life that it was creepy. God did more awesome things on that car ride, but they’re not as relevant.
So we get to the service, and I can tell you all the details in person about the service, but I’m trying to make this a little shorter so ya’ll don’t die reading it. Haha. Basically it was all about how worshiping God brings healing and breakthrough. He is the one who brings healing and when we worship Him, He comes. Which is a lesson God has been teaching me since like, February. Not even joking. I was so full of joy and praise during the service. I worshiped unlike anytime I’ve ever worshiped. And I saw God literally heal people. People LITERALLY got up and walked. I was dying. It was beautiful. And then it ended, and people started leaving and I remember thinking “Why is everyone running out of here? It’s not over..”OHH, it wasn’t over. Not for me and Kristen. :)Kristen came over to me and we started like talking.. and one of the main points that the speaker had brought up was I AM. and recognizing I AM and who He is! like I AM is the one who heals. and we can only heal or be healed by the power of I AM. So kristen came over and I was like “Did you not hear all of the things she said about getting up and walking?!” And then it just started. The Holy Spirit got us. We opened our Bibles and everything made sense. I was afraid because I had let fear come into my heart when thinking/learning about the Holy Spirit. BUT THAT WAS DUMB! Because PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT FEAR! and then like.. AH. it’s so good. I was screaming and yelling and shouting and jumping and running and falling and tripping and laughing and yelling more and finding more and more verses and screaming again. Eventually a lady came up to us and was like “girls, you really need to leave because we’re going to lock up.” So we gathered our stuff, not getting any quieter and started making our way to the door. And then one of us said like “WE’RE gonnaaaaaaaa GET UP AND WALK OUT OF HERE!” as we were walking out, three of these guys who had been like watching us/were on duty to lock up the church were like “Yeah! Get up and walk!” and I stopped dead and was like “NO. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW!” and then I preached at them for literally 15 minutes showing them all the verses and telling them my life story. It was ridiculous. Everything made sense. I was free. I had the Holy Spirit so full and I was coming to life. I had been dead but now I was alive. Eventually we stopped preaching at them and made our way to the door. (I’m pretty sure I actually ran like into the door.. I don’t even know) then we got outside to the parking lot and even more hit us. I was running and jumping and falling and at one point I literally was just laying in the parking lot. hahaha. But like, it hit us. I AM is my Daddy. Like.. AGH!!!! What can man do to me? I AM is my DADDY!and then. AH! the one thing that I discovered in the church, when Jesus is on the water and the disciples are afraid (hah! sounds familiar) He says to them “Be of good cheer; it is I (most bibles say “I” but really…. HE SAID… IT IS I AM! I AM I AM I AM! that changes things so drastically!) AM, DO NOT BE AFRAID” and like.. MAN! it all connected! So then we’re outside in the parking lot just getting hammered more and more. And then like ten minutes later, those guys came out to like lock up.. and they saw us, and laughed and just watched us for another ten minutes. Like for real. I can’t even tell you how fantastic it was. And then those guys came over and they prayed with us and prophesied over us and it all made sense and God was so good. And like I’ve been so full of joy ever since! There’s so much more I can tell you in person. :)
One more detail. I got home that night so crazy. hahaha. Obviously. And I sat down and like rambled on to my parents for like ten minutes about how awesome Jesus was and I tried to tell them everything and it was just craziness. I was rambling. haha. And they just didn’t get it. They like laughed at me and were like “yeahhh Hannah, that’s niceee..” hahaha. Just like everyone’s been doing. So I eventually just gave up and went into my room. And a few minutes later my mom came in and she was like, “Hannah, do you know that sometimes “water” is a term used to refer to the Holy Spirit?” and I totally didn’t get it and was like “WOW! Really?!! IT RAINED ON THE WAY TO CHURCH TONIGHT!” and she was like, “Hannah.. you’re going to walk on water.” BAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! I Died again!!! I literally yelled really loud. hahahaha. It was good. But that like sums it all up. Jesus wasn’t kidding about me walking on water. I am walking on water now. And He knew I was afraid and I was calling out for Him to come to me, but really, He was right there the whole time and was telling me to Come to Him. AH! He’s been telling me for SO LONG, not even kidding, so long to come to Him. and I finally did. The best part was I called Him out, and He totally represented. He totally showed up. And He changed me. Every time I read my Bible something else connects. Something else makes sense. There are a million more connections He’s made since then and funny things that have happened that I will definitely tell you in person now that you know the background. But I am just so full of joy. I can’t even deal with it. He is SO GOOD :D
I used to be asleep, I was happily sleeping in the boat. But He woke me up. I am alive and awake again, and I am walking on water. :) It’s so good to be alive.Thanks for listening.. er, well. reading! Sorry it’s so lengthy :) But I know you appreciated it. Like I’ve said a million times, I can fill in littler details in person now, since you know the whole story. :DI LOVE YOU GUYS!-Hannah.